The silence of vulnerability. 3 Practical Steps Towards a Safer Church

In our Church, we are blessed with countless holy men and women serving in leadership, from the Vatican's diplomatic corps to the priests guiding our local parishes. These dedicated individuals are often deeply virtuous and prayerful, striving to serve God and His people.

Yet, many of these good people are also keenly aware of a painful truth: in the not-so-distant past, the Church struggled immensely to identify and address individuals who posed a risk to vulnerable children and adults. Being a saint, unfortunately, doesn't automatically equip someone with the skills of law enforcement or prevention. And so, our Church has had to adapt, and adapt quickly.

From my own observations, several factors make it challenging for us to truly excel in protecting the vulnerable and ensuring everyone feels safe and wanted within our Church:

The Silence of Vulnerability

1. A Mutual Incentive for Secrecy: Interactions between a vulnerable person (whether a child or young adult) and a Church representative—be it staff, a volunteer, or clergy—can often become shrouded in secrecy. Those who are vulnerable often carry personal secrets, shame, or a deep desire for approval from authority figures. These feelings can make it incredibly difficult to say "STOP" when something feels wrong.

2. The Deceptive Aura of "Holiness": Someone who has harmed another rarely projects an outward appearance of unholiness. In fact, they might even compensate for their moral failings through highly pious or charitable actions. Let's be honest, it's always hard to publicly question someone who is seen as a pillar of the community.

3. The Peril of "Coaching": I've experienced this firsthand. During spiritual direction, I received "coaching" on how to conceal aspects of my own sexuality from a vocations director. As a young adult eager to please my priests and genuinely discerning my vocation, I initially believed this guidance was a blessing from God. It took me a long time to realize I was being coached to lie. I trusted the advice because it came from a priest I trusted. This highlights how easily trust can be exploited and how screening processes can be circumvented.

4. The Lack of Incentivizing Risk-Taking for Safety: Consider a holy man serving in the Holy See's diplomatic corps. If he does his job well, remains flexible, and is approachable, he has a strong chance of rising through the ranks, potentially becoming an Archbishop. A dramatic change in Church structures or a perceived mishandling of a scandal could jeopardize that ascent. This creates an unspoken incentive to maintain the status quo and avoid actions that might draw negative attention, even if those actions are vital for protecting the vulnerable.

The bottom line is that there's often an all-around incentive for secrecy—or at least to keep difficult things hushed.

For me, the profound challenge is how we address these issues without casting a wide suspicion on our dedicated clergy, volunteers, and Catholic school teachers. Unfortunately, from my own experiences sharing stories with priests and Church leadership, I've sometimes sensed a lack of urgency in preventing people from being vulnerable in the first place. Too often, the Church seems willing to listen after harm has occurred, but less focused on proactive prevention of sexual harassment or abuse.

3 Practical Steps Towards a Safer Church

Here are three practical suggestions for how we can move forward and ensure everyone feels truly wanted and safe within the Church:

1. Clarifying Canon Law 518: Freedom, Not Imprisonment.

Canon Law 518 generally states that parishes have territories. The beautiful intent of this rule is to emphasize a pastor's responsibility to care for all souls within their parish boundaries—it's meant to be a mercy, ensuring no one is overlooked. However, this can be tragically misused. Someone with ill intentions might tell a person experiencing questionable behavior within their parish that "the Church, in her wisdom, has given you a home," implying they must stay there rather than seeking help elsewhere. The devastating result is that individuals either leave the Catholic Church entirely or remain, feeling trapped and subjected to harm by an authority figure.

Theologically speaking, can we truly imagine Jesus establishing the authority of individual parishes by zip code, restricting where people can seek spiritual care? That's certainly not the true intent of the Church. This is an incredibly easy fix. We need clear clarification that the intent of Canon Law 518 is to eliminate gaps in pastoral care, not to impose a community upon the faithful or restrict their freedom to seek help and spiritual guidance elsewhere if they feel unsafe or unwelcomed.

2. Empowering the Vulnerable in Confession.

Imagine a sign posted in every confessional that simply states: "If at any point you decide you are not ready to make an act of contrition, you are free to excuse yourself."

Unfortunately, vulnerable individuals sometimes view the Sacrament of Confession as appearing before a judge rather than a compassionate physician of Christ. After sharing their deepest secrets in the sacrament, a vulnerable person experiencing harassment or questionable requests faces a critical, internal decision: do I stay or do I excuse myself?

Any solution to this challenge must acknowledge that the vast majority of priests and experiences in confession are profoundly good and healing. We must be careful not to cast suspicion on anyone. At the same time, we must empower individuals to care for themselves. If you ever find yourself in a situation during confession where you feel unsure or uncomfortable, please politely excuse yourself, letting the priest know you'd like to continue another time. Then, reach out to a trusted friend or another Catholic and ask if the questions you were asked felt "normal." Your safety and peace of mind are paramount.

3. Stronger Training in Domestic Violence for All Parish Staff and Clergy.

The Church rightly focuses a great deal of pastoral care on married individuals. However, we have less pastoral experience with unmarried men and women who are living together, especially when they face difficult home situations. For obvious reasons, someone in a pre-marital cohabitation situation who fears being chided for it is unlikely to approach a priest with a difficult, potentially abusive, home situation.

While priests are certainly not therapists, caring for you and accompanying you on your journey to heaven means creating a safe and non-judgmental space where you can express concerns about your home life. Equipping all parish staff and clergy with stronger training in recognizing and responding to domestic violence would be a vital step in ensuring that everyone who walks through our doors feels seen, heard, and supported, regardless of their living situation.

These are just a few ideas, but they represent a starting point for deeper reflection and action. The goal is not to foster suspicion, but to build a Church where every person, especially those who feel unwanted, knows they are truly valued, safe, and loved by God and His people.

What are your thoughts on these suggestions? How else can we ensure our Church is a place where everyone feels wanted and secure?